INSIGNIFICANT/IMPORTANT

Many years ago, there was an initiative on the California ballot against nuclear weapons. No one thought it would have any effect, but it would put the state of California on record as being against the bomb. I hadn't paid much attention to the effort so I was surprised when one night I began thinking about the issue. What could be more important than trying to rid the world of weapons that could destroy the world? And with that question, I realized I should do something to get the initiative passed.
    I've never liked working with committees or groups. It drives me crazy when everyone talks at once or can't stay on the subject, not listening but wanting to be heard. Those kinds of groups rarely run a tight ship and I'm a tight ship person. This may mean that I'm controlling and want things to go as I say they should go. Well, there's more than enough evidence to make me confess that "may" isn't quite appropriate. 
     Nonetheless, I thought I should join the campaign. When I asked, what could be important, I felt a kind of moral evaluation taking place in my consciousness. If I really felt that few things took precedence over banning the bombs, how could I live with myself if I did nothing? Did I want to be passive and oblivious? As soon as I thought about it, I realized I'd be moving forward with the underlying sense that I had disappointed myself, chosen to be passive and oblivious, retreated into the familiar shadows which confirmed the worst judgments I made on myself. If I wanted to move into the future without this particular piece of baggage (there was always more inside to deal with), if I wanted to add to, or at least not take away from my very shaky self-esteem, it was clear what I should do. So, even though I knew my efforts wouldn't have any real effect, I found a group and gave some nights to stuffing envelopes and pasting address labels on them. I can't remember now how many nights I did that but I think I must have intuitively known how many were enough to satisfy that "I should do something." 
     I'm fascinated by that "should." We seem to be born with a moral sense. We know, if only unconsciously, what we think we should do, and if the gulf between should and what we actually do is too great, we know it. Those of us who aren't sociopaths may feel guilt which we can end by taking responsibility. We may spend needed energy on efforts of rationalization. We may simply know the particular feeling of letting ourselves down. We may just feel bad.
     If you want to know more about our moral imperatives, our ethics, you may as well start with Plato and Aristotle because there hasn't been a philosophy or religion or spiritual tradition that doesn't have ideas about right and wrong. It's one of the universal questions we ask ourselves. How do we decide what is right or wrong? How do we justify the choices we make? If you want to know more, vast, vast libraries will be happy to provide fodder for pondering for years to come.
     I did some work for the ban the bomb initiative even though I knew my actions, and the actions of many others, would have little effect. Gandhi said, "What you do may be insignificant but it is very important that you do it." Live up to your higher nature. Act free of expectations; do not pin your actions on the end result. We have no control over how the world receives our efforts. So do what enlarges you here and now and the rest will take care of itself.