Most of those judgments come out of what I think of as fearful arrogance. If I approach that person, I might be rejected; therefore, it's better to tell myself that person is a waste of time. Those people are getting approving attention from the world; it's better to judge them, so I don't have to put myself on the playing field and show them I want to play. Maybe I'm making the wrong friends; what will the in crowd think of me? What if I do all the things I fear will shout loud and clear that I'm a loser? Much better to shield myself with arrogant opinions.
I told myself that I was strong, even invincible. That was the mask I wore to keep my fears buried in a place so hidden that I didn't have to admit to them. I was afraid that if I acknowledged fear, allowed one little chink in the armor, all the barricades against the things that terrified me would crumble. Better to judge the world first, before it judges me, especially because I'm afraid that judgment will go very much against me.
Judgments that come out of fear make me keep the world at bay, which is another way of saying that all that judging keeps me in isolation. The world can't threaten me, but only because I'm too defended to let the world in. And if I don't let the world in, if I don't allow myself to feel whatever is true inside - fears, desires, and other emotions - I'll never get down to who I am, to the things inside me that keep me from feeling free.
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