THINKING

What I like best is when my mind focuses in on an idea, a question, something, anything in particular. My mind wants to be engaged by something that takes me out of myself, out of one level of consciousness and into another. My thoughts can just meander, setting their own path, one following another. You could call it zoning out and that's a level of consciousness in which my mind is almost asleep, a computer whose screen is dark even though energy is feeding into it, keeping track of time or emails. Functioning but on the lowest possible setting.
     Other times, my thoughts settle in and my mind comes awake. Everything in me sits up, alert and on the hunt. My thoughts don't want to meander - they want an object, a challenge, to follow an interesting trail, to create in words. Someone who studies consciousness may describe it another way, but to me it feels like becoming conscious on a very high level. 
     Despite having experienced many many times my mind coming awake, I still sometimes choose to zone out, to not think about anything in particular. To turn off my mind. But it's a paradox that taking time off to laze around doesn't replenish my energy; instead, it's enervating and has its own kind of perverse momentum, stretching itself out and flattening experience. 
     Choosing more often to focus my thoughts can become a habit - if I practice making that choice. I can ask the universe to help me be willing to make that practice day after day. I can make a new choice, the one that will always bring me awake and alive with energy.