GETTING OFF MY CASE

I don't know why it's so hard for me to get off my case. I know that the voice in my head that tells me I'm not enough, I don't do enough, is only attached to ephemeral thoughts floating through my mind. I know that I am not what that voice tells me. I know getting on my case is a very old habit - sometimes I think I was born with the on-my-case button already installed - and even the oldest of habits can change.
     God, I know a lot! And none of it helps me when the voice is on me. The reality of that voice in my head is stunning, powerful, all-consuming.  I think of Jim Carrey in "The Truman Show" - sometimes I'm encased in a world that feels absolutely real, that I completely believe, but when a chink appears, a sliver of light, I see that I can step through it and find myself in a new and expansive place, a place where I'm enough, I do enough and there's no reason to get on my case.
     I am my own chink in the sky, my own sliver of light. They are inside me and I know a few things to help me find them. When the voice has claimed me, I've learned to shake hands with it, to say you're smaller than I am and you're not all of reality. And repeat it until I really hear the words. Like an actor in a sense memory exercise, I work to summon up the feeling of fullness that tells me I'm enough. I remind myself I have some accomplishments and have done some good things. I picture the people in my life I care about the most. I especially think about how far I've come on this path of change. Then like Alice I step through the looking glass. In that new land, acceptance blossoms inside me, along with humility which allows me to be who I am, and gratitude for what I have and what I've done. I take a deep breath, come fully into the moment and find myself in that place where I and the world are enough.