THE VITAL CENTER

In his essay, "What Makes A Life Significant," William James begins with a wonderful example of differing perspectives.  Jack falls madly in love with Jill and she becomes extraordinary to him. He grasps her "essence," sees and understands all her thoughts and feelings, marvels endlessly at the marvel she is. But we can't imagine what he sees in her; to our minds, she's dull, ordinary, hardly worth thinking about. Yet Jill, knowing how Jack feels about her, blossoms not only in his eyes but in her own. She responds by seeing how extraordinary Jack is. They take each other completely.
     Who is right here?  Is Jack a "maniac" filled with delusion that he sees Jill in that way?  Or is it we "dull clods" who are missing the true essence of both of them?  In fact, there is no right or wrong.  What matters is what happens to Jack and Jill as they perceive all the little joys and disappointments, the thoughts and feelings each of them has - everything that is a hallmark of each other's humanity. Those intense, reciprocal perceptions add up to the significance they feel in themselves and in each other.
     The rest of the essay is filled with examples of how easy it is to miss the vital center, the deep and complex humanity at the heart of us all.  I often think of this as I move through the day - passing so many people without registering anything about them, or murmuring "excuse me," or "thank you" to faceless shadows passing by. Even the way I sometimes listen with half an ear to a good friend while my attention roams.  All the ways I don't pay attention.  
     By missing the vital center in other people, I keep my own center buried in my consciousness.  I go along skimming the surface of all the possibilities that exist in the world. But if I pay attention, sympathy, empathy, projecting imagination into the heart of another - they make me feel connected, in touch with a deeper source of energy. They bring me alive.  Then anything can happen and the new, the creative, the expansiveness of the world can come in.  
    The cliche holds: to give is to receive.